Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Talk Like Shakespeare Day


Today we mark the anniversary of the birth of the Bard of Avon... It is Talk Like Shakespeare Day. I present The Three Little Pigs Shakespeare-style:

I have been practicing Elizabethean English all weekend (my sisters are most heartily weary of me), so that I can show off my profound vocabulary and grasp of the complexities of English. Whether I shall have the wherewithal to Talk Like Shakespeare as I go about my work at the Library remains to be seen, but meanwhile, to celebrate, I am finally doing the Tag I received last week. But I shall endeavour to do it in as Shakespearean a manner as possible. So without further eloquence:


THE TAG
Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and link back to their blog
2. Post 11 random facts about yourself
3. Answer 11 questions from the person who tagged you.
4. Ask the people you tag 11 questions.
5. Nominate 11 other blogs.

And here we go.

My Thanks:

Mistress Jack! Thou hast my heartiest thanks for this honour, so generously bestowed upon me! Faithful followers, do thou all take thine selves in haste to her most delightful blog.

Random Information:

1. It hath come to my attention of late, that I be like unto a sheepdog. I rejoice greatly in the news, for tis but a small portion of mankind fit to maketh that boast.

2. I am possessed of an overweening desire for ambidexterity, and with a view towards the acquisition of this skill, endeavour to employ my sinister hand as often as I do the dexterous.

3. To my teen be it spoken: I am bereft utterly of all sense of direction. I lose myself readily. This lack of an internal compass doth vex me most exceedingly.

4. I liketh not the summer salad of potatoes and mayonnaise, egg and onion.

5. I liketh not summer, tho' spring in its flowery greeness doth bring gladness to my heart.

6. I canst pat my pate whilst rubbing my tummy.

7. I canst never recall mine own house number, though I have dwelt in this residence for better than two years.

8. I excel not at the art of dancing, for I approach it as a swordswoman, with body in profile, and step out always upon the left foot, rather than the right.

9. I liketh not this dancing business.

10. I liketh me not the "chick flick". Better it pleases me to watch sword fights and adventure. I have much admiration for a well choreographed fight scene.

11. I am much possessed of a desire for chocolate... I verily believe that I must cease this scrivening and go out in search of this delicacy. I shall return anon....

Questions Needing Answers:

1. The Doctor shows up and asks you to be his companion at the same time Sherlock asks you to be his blogger. Who'd you pick?

Marry! I do fear the strength of my glamour-spell of invisibility hath worn too thin, that manly acquaintances - two in number - should thus accost me, requesting that I render companionship and service. Alas, my mind is not so constructed as to be nimble in the forming of decision, and so I plead for time to muse upon this conundrum - and the meaning of that peculiar word, blogger - and will have answer for you tomorrow... or tomorrow.

2. In the great Clara debate, who do YOU think she is. (And if you don't know who Clara is...I've two words for you. No, three. Watch Doctor Who.)

.... Zounds! I am called Clara....

3. You're falling off a building, which Avenger do you want to save you?

...I am reaching but I fall.... I beg pardon. A tune hath tangled itself in my memory. To the matter at hand: Verily, I do believe that if one were so misfortunate as to discover ones self in a death-fall, not of ones choosing, one would be grateful for any assistance thus rendered, regarding more the value of the service than the person of the man himself. However, if I had to choose. If I were forced to make a choice. If there was no other response... I'd vouchsafe to remark that Captain America is right gentlemanly. And that Thor's manner of speech is not so alien to me as others of that assembly.

4. Would you go for a ride in a cold, hot air balloon?

Aye, and with a right good will. Depart ye not hither, til I have got me my cloak and a jug of mulled wine... but stop... Art thou the Doctor, and is this contraption of warmed air both blue and noisy? For my mind is still unresolved upon that matter of choosing betwixt thee, and the Detective.

5. Does your wardrobe lead to Narnia?

Alackaday, it doth not. But - hark ye well - there is like to be a tunnel, secreted within the woodwork of it, which leadeth cannily to secret chambers, and thence to means of stealthy exegesis. Shouldst my home be assailed by marauding bandits, enemy soldiers, the Roundheads, the Campbells, the IRS, or other persons of such inamicable society, methinks I shall take myself away right speedily, and none shall know whither have I wandered.

6. You meet an Alien who is about to kill you. Do you offer him a Jelly Baby or run?

I fear that the subject hath turned again to the troublesome matter of the Doctor and the Detective, for both men are strange, and alien to my orderly world. Alien or not, should a creature approach me with intentions of bodily harm, I wouldst not remain steadfastly in its presence, saving that I am handily armed with swords and arrows, ably fitted to fend off the malicious being. (Is a Jelly Baby some new form of blunderbuss?)

7. If your best friend faked his death to save your life, then popped up a year later to inform you he was still alive, would you faint or punch him?

"Thou fobbing beetle-headed malt-worm! The most infectious pestilence upon thee! Degenerate and base thou art. How couldst thou? Behold, I strike at thine most impudent visage!" Striketh I, with vigourous enthusiasm which but leads to much weeping.

8. Buttered popcorn or plain?

Thou hast popcorn? Joyous day! The seasoning mattereth not a jot. Serve it forth at once, I prithee!

9. Have you ever had a flip phone in your position and wished to yell, "Beam me up, Scotty!" into it?

Aye... but the phone was never mine to play thusly with, so I resisted heartily the temptation. Howsoever, my most respected Pater hath in his possession an imitation communicator, bestowed upon him by his loving offspring, and who's to say, but that with this device, I have so called out to the estimable Mr. Scott?

10. What is your favouritest book?

And hast thou time in plenty? For I am plagued with indecision, and canst not settle on a single title... Sittest thou there, with this flagon of goodly drink, and listen whilst I wax lyrical upon every book that hath ever stirred my heart. Let us commence with The Lord of the Rings...


11. It is raining, do you go for a walk in it or sit by the fire with hot chocolate and a good book?

Both, for I do be much enamored of the rain, and the galeful winds, and weather of all sorts; and am, in equal measure, fond of cosy rooms and roaring fires. I shall therefore, sally forth, cloak-wrapped, for to be properly wetted, that I might, upon my return, more heartily enjoy the comforts of book and drink.

Questions for Others to Answer:

NOTE BENE: It is not my custom for to pass this tag to others, and therefore, do I neither compose questions. I fear that I have not a single person upon whom to bestow this tag. I have , however, made a rare exception to my usual practice, and composed questions. Shouldst any feel a desire to make answer to them, thou are right welcome so to do:

1. Dost thou takest thy tea with milk and sugar?

2. Canst thou tell thy numbers through 10 in any language other than thine own Mother Tongue?

3. Knowest thou what it means to navigate by means of "dead reckoning"?

4. Canst thou locate any celestial constellation besides that of the Ursa Major, perhaps better
known as The Big Dipper?

5. Dost thou recallest all the lyrics and hand movements of The Itsy Bitsy Spider?

6. Canst stand on thine head?

7. Hast thou ever encountered a Jabberwock?

8. Hast thou ever been able to name a single book as thine favourite?

9. Art thou afeared of heights?

10. Has thou e'er tripped the light fantastic?

11. Thou art offered a position as companion to an elderly gentleman. Thy tasks shall not be taxing; thou shalt read to him, and he shalt dictate his letters to thee. Thy evenings and weekends shall be thine own. Thy payment for this service shall be as follows: Thou wilt receive on the first day, one penny. On the second day, thou shalt receive two. On the third thou shalt receive four, and so on. Each day thy pay shall be double that of the day before. Takest thou the job?

7 comments:

Treskie said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. This was most unique, Mahr. I would comment in Elisabethean English, but I fear I lack the talent.

Does your desire to be ambidextrous have anything to do with a certain Smarty of whom we all love with much affection?

Your comment about potato salad amused me.

You are so funneh. :D I loved this particular post. I may link to it. :D

Mahri said...

Treskie ~ I thank thee heartily for thine comment. The knowledge that it hath made thee to laugh bringeth much satisfaction to me. I should be honoured by thy linkage :-)

Ah... nay, in truth. My two-handed aspirations stem from the fencing classes, and the insistance that I learn to weild the weapon on either side.

Amy said...

This was brilliant! I snickered so much over this post. Seriously. I especially loved the "I canst pat my pate whilst rubbing my tummy."
...And then I stop and think about how unusual this is and...perhaps you should get out more! LOL. Just kidding. It was great.

Katrina DeLallo said...

Right merrily shall I take yon job!

(Prithee, Mith Prithilla)

Mahri said...

Amy ~ Tis not but the simple truth, plainly told. And the skill be not over-hard to acquire ;-)

Kat ~ Thou art a wise maiden, for thou shalt have a merry fortune at thy disposal by the end of the month - to wit: $5,368,709.12. (And ye have my word on it, for it hath been twice checked.)

Anonymous said...

haaaaa haaaa haaaa!!!! I love that chaps randition of the Three Little pigs!!!! Where in th world did you ever find him!! However you are a close second in your answering ability! I sure would be cool to hear you speak waaaaaaay back then too! Gina

Mahri said...

Hey Gina ~ Molly sent that to me a while back, and I have been waiting for the chance to use it. I'll tell you, it took a bit of thought to answer like that, and then, afterwards, I was talking Semi-Shakespearean for days :-)